For Modern Bhens living in the Western world, Christmas can be a confusing time. As Muslims, we don't believe in Christmas in the religious sense, but it's difficult not to be infected by the holiday spirit. And let's be honest, Bohri's never pass up an opportunity to throw an elaborate feast.
We American Bohri's have developed our own winter holiday traditions... Assuming your family isn't holding you to your empty promise to go on a pilgrimage to the Holy Lands, or you aren't being carted off to the Motherland by your parents in secret hope that you will meet a perfectly FOB-ulous companion (and be mou-mitha'd -- or better yet, nikahfied -- within the 2 weeks you're there).
Most Bohri Christmas celebrations are a hybrid imitation of a traditional Western Christmas, but are not without their own unique Bohri charm.
For instance, while the rest of North America shops for Christmas gifts, mumineen across the country take advantage of holiday deals to stock up on mithishitabi gifts for later in the year. When else can you find packs of 24 mini nailpolishes for only $10.99? And if you have a wedding coming up in your family, you'll be shopping for Christmas lights and wreaths to decorate the shaadi-ghar with, and gifts for the in-laws.
Christmas baking, on the other hand, is a little more complicated. You peruse your local grocery store in pursuit of halal marshmallows and a subtle substitution for lard, thinking of ways to incorporate the pehli raat pomegranates your mom gave you into this year’s cookies. And as you shop, you try to sing along to the Christmas carols playing in the background, but realize you don't actually know the words… and they sound suspiciously like marasiyas.
Being the social butterflies most Modern Bhens are, you may be invited to an Ugly Rida party, or better yet, a Rida-decorating party (think about it: they ARE, after all, kind of tree-shaped).
Finally, the big Christmas Day party. Your family Christmas party includes all 75 members of your close family, and doesn’t specify a time -- just "After Maghrib" -- allowing invitees to stroll in guilt-free any time within a 3 hour window. Coordinating a Secret Santa with 75 participants is a feat on par with doing upri on Ashura. And you know more than one bhai/bhen will be receiving a masila and tasbeeh.
The uncle's disappear to the basement on arrival, where they sneak sips of something stronger than holiday spirit; aunties congregate in the kitchen, gossiping and bickering over the best ways to reheat the naan; and the children and teens head upstairs to fight over the TV and play with their cell phones This leaves you, as a 20-something year old, sitting next to the Christmas tree (decorated with dupattas) nestled between a picture of Maula and a replica of the Kaaba doors, wondering which group you should be joining. The traditional Bohri holiday meal isn't served until well after 10pm, and entails a potluck featuring a tandoori turkey, a masala pot roast, garlic naan, green chutney potatoes... and of course, no Bohri feast is complete without a nice greasy tapela of biryani. While you eat, you're entertained by your Uncle's annual rant about the holidays being nothing more than a marketing ploy, and in fact, Christmas in itself being a scam. But it's hard to take him seriously while he's sporting a reindeer headband on top of his topi...
At the end of the night, full to the brim with tandoori turkey, chai and ras malai, you head home smelling vaguely of biryani, carrying leftover samosas and the new jori you received from your Secret Santa (actually, it’s no secret; it had to be your Phuphi who just came back from India); you smile at the evidence of another perfect Bohri Christmas.
wunerfool :)
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