By: Modern Bhen
March 5th 2014
Regardless of your background, few things in life cause anxiety like dating does. If you're a 20-something single Bhori, you've definitely experienced "The Set-Up."
The Bhori community has at its disposal the Taiseer-un-Nikah (TNC) committee, a highly connected international intelligence agency with the sole mission of brokering matches between Bhori singles worldwide. Often compared to the CIA, the TNC is comprised of an army of fear-inducing aunties, largely named Jumana, Mehmoona, or Khatoon. They also have at their disposal cutting-edge information database technologies, allowing for more effective international integration, access and sharing of individual profiles.These aunties are highly trained in the art of overcoming diversion tactics, harsh interrogation methods, and most particularly: subversive information gathering techniques.
The most common and feared of these subversive information gathering techniques is the underhanded ploy of enlisting the aid of your mother -- (Yup, believe it or not, they will go there) -- resulting in conversations such as this:
Mom: Beta, Matchmaker Mehmoona Aunty has called, she knows a boy that would be a perfect match for you!
Me: Umm… Mom, Mehmoona Aunty has never actually met me.
Mom: He is a [doctor/engineer/computer scientist] beta! I gave her your phone number and told her to give to him straightaway!!
Me: That escalated quickly. What do you know about him?
Mom: He is single, beta, that's what I know. He is a [doctor/engineer/computer scientist]. He is a great catch.
Me: Mom! I can’t talk to someone I don’t know anything about.
Mom: Talk nicely to him or never talk to me again.
Me: ...sigh...
While the TNC has had notable success, it is not uncommon for them to pair unwilling targets with an assortment of characters ranging from unsavory to the downright repugnant. This inevitably leads to an awkward and emotionally exhausting text message/Gchat/Whatsapp/Facebook based game of cat and mouse.
Since these aunties are trained to overcome diversion tactics, it’s more effective to try this directly with unwanted suitors. Here are some tips:
- Tell him you have a degree in Art History, Philosophy or Theatre.
- Mention that you buy your rida’s ready-made and do not know how to guntho topi’s.
- Casually drop into conversation that your meals consist of only ONE kharaas and ONE mithaas.
hi....read your post . may be u had a bad experience,but still just thinking it the other way? y do u think they bother about your life. if you get that answer, i guess you would surely not criticise.
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